A Small Victory

I have been dealing with insecurities. There. I said it.

It took me a while to understand it, before I was finally able to fully acknowledge and accept it, and now I’m starting to let it go.

To give you a little bit of background, let me recap what has happened in the past 2 years. I got engaged, quit my job, traveled, started freelancing, got married, moved to the US, dealt with numerous paperworks for immigration purposes, became a housewife, and just recently started school. To think of it again, it has been crazy.

Along the way, I felt insecure many times. All those changes opened up a door and I somehow let insecurities came my way. I tried so hard to fight it. I tried to count my blessings, I tried to enjoy the little moments, the small victories, but at the end of the day it was still creeping.

Maybe it was not that bad because I felt like I still had a good life. There were challenges indeed, but it was manageable. There were days when I felt so insecure but I somehow always managed to bounce back the next day. There were good days and bad days, and I was okay with that. Little by little things were starting to fall into place and I thought all those insecurities were part of my adaptation process and I managed to deal with it. Done.

But then I started school, and I realized that my insecurities was holding me back many times. I refrained from doing the things I used to do, like participating in class, engaging in discussions, and I started to notice how it could lead to bigger issues as I am preparing myself to restart my career here in the US.

After I did some research, I found iBunda.id, a counseling service that offers online sessions. I specifically wanted to find Indonesian psychologists/counselors because I thought they would be able to understand my situation better. I’m so glad that I found them and after my session I was able to understand what was going on with me.

Like I said, with understanding comes acknowledgement and acceptance, and now I’m starting to let it go. To say that I’m free of insecurities is not 100% true. I still feel it sometimes, but I can manage it better. I don’t let it haunt me nor I let it bring me down like it used to. Instead, I accept and move on.

I used to think that my school is not significant because it is “just a certificate program”, not a prestigious MBA or PhD. I don’t know what got into my head for me to think that way because that mindset led me to feeling insecure!

Thankfully that mindset did not stay with me for long. I have then learned to celebrate more small victories, appreciating all the little things, simply because they matter. Today I am celebrating another small victory – a satisfactory grade this term! Wait let me rephrase because that sentence was still influenced by some insecurities.

Today I am celebrating because for the first time in my academic career I got straight As!!!! YAY me!!!

I don’t know what the future holds but I know for sure that for as long as I work hard and do my best, I will be okay. I will try my best to not let insecurities hold me back, so I will be okay.

If you happen to be dealing with your own issues, I hope you remember to celebrate your own small victories, because they matter ๐Ÿ™‚ sending positive vibes to all! x

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “A Small Victory”

  1. Hey Christa!
    It’s amazing that you write so openly about your feelings and that you’re dealing with insecurities. I think we all have times where we haven’t felt 100% ourselves – be it insecurities, stress or anxiety. I like how you said you celebrate the little victories, I think that’s an approach many of us could try to feel happier or more balanced.
    All the best, Stefanie from https://aroundabout.home.blog ๐Ÿ™‚

    PS: congrats on your As at school – you go girl!!

  2. Many congratulations Chris!!

    Indeed, I could see that dealing with all those big changes in a relatively short period of time make one more ‘vulnerable’ to insecurities. But it is great that (a) you have identified it and more importantly, (b) take a real action to reverse it. Good luck with everything! And always believe that everything is alright! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. This is such a brave post, thank you for writing this Christa. I also feel my insecurities and anxiety have grown worse in the last few years, and starting a new life in a different country doesn’t help. Just take it one day at a time ๐Ÿ™‚

    Congrats for your straight As, and here’s to celebrating small victories! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I think this is somehow relatable to most of Indonesians who are staying abroad. I particularly feel the same sometimes due to the fact that what I have achieved in my home country doesn’t really matter here. Many of us need to start from the bottom when we move abroad. Once I read that there was a manager in Indonesia who needed to follow her husband to go to Denmark. Yet she needed to start as a cleaning lady here.

    Anyway, I am happy for your achievement ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Hopefully we can always find the bright side of living abroad and use the bad experience as a way to learn ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚ I think moving abroad brings uncertainties which can lead to insecurities… but of course with it comes opportunities and other bright side as well, righttt… ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. that’s great, Christa, congratulations ya!
    it’s good that you think the insecurities were manageable.. and it seems like it was such a good decision to reach out for assistance.. that’s called strength!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.