A Small Victory

I have been dealing with insecurities. There. I said it.

It took me a while to understand it, before I was finally able to fully acknowledge and accept it, and now I’m starting to let it go.

To give you a little bit of background, let me recap what has happened in the past 2 years. I got engaged, quit my job, traveled, started freelancing, got married, moved to the US, dealt with numerous paperworks for immigration purposes, became a housewife, and just recently started school. To think of it again, it has been crazy.

Along the way, I felt insecure many times. All those changes opened up a door and I somehow let insecurities came my way. I tried so hard to fight it. I tried to count my blessings, I tried to enjoy the little moments, the small victories, but at the end of the day it was still creeping.

Maybe it was not that bad because I felt like I still had a good life. There were challenges indeed, but it was manageable. There were days when I felt so insecure but I somehow always managed to bounce back the next day. There were good days and bad days, and I was okay with that. Little by little things were starting to fall into place and I thought all those insecurities were part of my adaptation process and I managed to deal with it. Done.

But then I started school, and I realized that my insecurities was holding me back many times. I refrained from doing the things I used to do, like participating in class, engaging in discussions, and I started to notice how it could lead to bigger issues as I am preparing myself to restart my career here in the US.

After I did some research, I found iBunda.id, a counseling service that offers online sessions. I specifically wanted to find Indonesian psychologists/counselors because I thought they would be able to understand my situation better. I’m so glad that I found them and after my session I was able to understand what was going on with me.

Like I said, with understanding comes acknowledgement and acceptance, and now I’m starting to let it go. To say that I’m free of insecurities is not 100% true. I still feel it sometimes, but I can manage it better. I don’t let it haunt me nor I let it bring me down like it used to. Instead, I accept and move on.

I used to think that my school is not significant because it is “just a certificate program”, not a prestigious MBA or PhD. I don’t know what got into my head for me to think that way because that mindset led me to feeling insecure!

Thankfully that mindset did not stay with me for long. I have then learned to celebrate more small victories, appreciating all the little things, simply because they matter. Today I am celebrating another small victory – a satisfactory grade this term! Wait let me rephrase because that sentence was still influenced by some insecurities.

Today I am celebrating because for the first time in my academic career I got straight As!!!! YAY me!!!

I don’t know what the future holds but I know for sure that for as long as I work hard and do my best, I will be okay. I will try my best to not let insecurities hold me back, so I will be okay.

If you happen to be dealing with your own issues, I hope you remember to celebrate your own small victories, because they matter 🙂 sending positive vibes to all! x

Advertisements

Suka Duka Tugas Kelompok

Sebagai anak kuliahan tentunya saya ketemu lagi sama yang namanya tugas kelompok. Apalagi program kuliah saya lebih fokus pada praktek dibanding teori jadilah semakin banyak tugas, termasuk kelompok.

Nah, tugas kelompok ini ternyata banyak suka duka nya dan rasanya kok saya baru berasa banget sekarang ini ya. Sungguh, mungkin udah kelamaan nggak sekolah tapi rasanya dulu – dulu kok nggak pernah mengalami dinamika tugas kelompok seperti sekarang ini?! Hehe..

Tugas kelompok ini rasanya benar – benar kayak ikut undian. Nggak ada yang tahu gimana hasilnya. Kalau beruntung, dapat kelompok yang enak banget dan lancar banget kerjanya. Kayak kelompok A saya (kita sebut aja begitu). Anggotanya 3 orang, dan hampir 3 bulan kami kerja bareng, nggak pernah ada masalah. Pernah saya agak beda pendapat sama mereka berdua, tapi saya anggap nggak penting lah jadi saya ngikut aja, eh hasilnya dapat A, berarti emang saya yang kurang paham kan konsepnya 😛 Kami juga pernah kerjain tugas bareng di cafe pinggir pantai yang dilanjut dengan happy hour hari Jumat malam.. seru ya :D. Pokoknya, kelompok yang ini oke banget deh!

Tapi saya pernah juga dapat kelompok, kita sebut aja kelompok B, yang semuanya diaaam seribu bahasa. Untungnya waktu kami kerja bareng cuma 1x kelas, proyeknya pun nggak punya bobot nilai yang besar. Aduh tapi kelompok ini, nggak ada yang mau inisiatif, masing – masing anggota kayaknya sibuk sendiri, alhasil saya yang musti mengarahkan diskusi kelompok untuk cari ide. Parahnya lagi 1 anggota nggak datang di waktu hari presentasi, tebak dong siapa yang ambil alih…?

Ada lagi kelompok yang semuanya mau ngomong. Nah kelompok C ini juga bikin pusing. Pernah kami menghabiskan waktu 20 menit cuma untuk muter – muter bahas sesuatu yang ujung – ujung nya nggak ada kesimpulan dan nggak jadi dipakai di dalam presentasi. Walaupun orang – orangnya baik dan nggak nyebelin, tapi entah kenapa kalau diskusi tuh kok rasanya pola pikir kami nggak nyambung semua ya… jadi seringkali capek muter – muter bahas sesuatu dan susah banget untuk menyamakan persepsi dan frekuensi. Haduh!

Ngomong- ngomong, nggak berasa deh, saya sudah berada di penghujung semester pertama program sertifikat saya ini. Baru mulai sih, belum ada setengah jalan. Sejauh ini saya suka banget kuliahnya, walaupun masih sering capek karena ternyata kuliah sebagai istri di umur 30an tuh beda banget yaa sama kuliah waktu masih lajang … hahahaha, badan rasanya capek mulu berbagi tugas antara kuliah dan mengurus rumah tangga. Walaupun sebenernya saya punya tanggung jawab yang sama dengan R dalam hal rumah tangga, tapi tetep aja sejak kuliah ini saya sering berasa capek banget… padahal dulu kuat kuat aja tuh kuliah, kerja part time dan siaran radio pas di Inggris! 😛 emang namanya umur nggak bisa boong deh 😉 Nanti kapan – kapan saya ceritain lebih lanjut deh tentang hal ini.

Thanks for reading and have a good weekend! 🙂

Back to School

I always knew that I would go back to school but I didn’t know when and where (and how, for that matter!). I had planned to go back to school since I first moved here but unfortunately that plan did not happen until … last week!

I won’t go into detail but what happened was miraculous in my dictionary and before I knew it I was able to start school last week! Hoorah! I am now enrolled in a digital marketing certificate program at UCLA Extension. I should be able to finish this program in the next 9 months or more, it really depends on the courses I will take and the route I will choose.

For now, I am taking 3 classes this term and 1 of them is an online class. This is my first ever online class – and I found it very interesting. Well I’ve taken some Coursera classes before but this is nothing like that because there are live seminar sessions in which we can hear the lecture and also participate in class discussion through an online chat room.

As for the other two classes, so far they are as interesting. One caught me off guard because I did not think that I would need to write a final paper as part of the requirements to pass the class. I mean, the last time I wrote an academic paper was…. 10 years ago? 😀

Anyway, I can’t say much for now because, well, it’s just the first week, but surely I will share more about this journey! I’m excited to learn, meet new people, and share experiences! All of this still feels surreal because up until last week I really have no slightest clue that I would be starting school… oh well, here I am now and I better get back to my online learning platform to read materials for my second week. Ah, student life…

Taken in front of Royce Hall – where UCLA graduation ceremonies are held

Days of Part-Time Job

This is the eighth post in the “Christa in the UK” series – stories from the year 2009 and 2010 during my time living, studying, working and traveling in a small beach town called Bournemouth in South West England.

As a broke student student with limited funding, I was challenged to work part – time during my time in the UK. My student visa allowed me to work maximum 20 hours per week part – time, so I began searching for a part – time job after I considered myself settled in, approximately soon after my second term started. I figured it was the perfect activity to actually immerse myself in student life. Okay I was being subtle, truth is I desperately needed the job because I spent all my money traveling throughout the UK on my Christmas break … hahaha :p

Continue reading “Days of Part-Time Job”